My name is Audra, and I am a coffee addict. This is a personal/ fandom/ funny/ shit blog, and I post nearly anything here.

imsoshive:

me: what’s for dinner?

her: *spreads her legs*

me: 

image

so, did you not cook or ….. cause popeyes closes at 10 and i need to leave now if i’m gon make it. 

(via khaleesioffandoms)

Notes
155611
Posted
5 hours ago

For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl. 

She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.

(via cunt-candle)

(Source: waxenneat, via theyogurtclub)

What if
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter

What if
women were the ones who started wars

What if
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly

What if
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun

What if
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs

What if
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis

What if
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands

What if
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes

What if
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons

What if
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
with socks
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
or
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
or
“The truth about impotence”

What if
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”

What if
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job

What if
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running

And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.

Notes
271190
Posted
5 hours ago

terezidactyl:

shubbabang:

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I don’t let myself play staring contests anymore

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

(via mr-egbutt)

Notes
119932
Posted
8 hours ago

rin-matsuokas-hips:

conductoroftardislight:

heartofalifer:

SOMETIMES I GET SO FUCKING ANGRY WHEN I REMEMBER THAT I AM A GIRL BECAUSE MY MONEY HAS TO GO TO BUYING BRAS FOR THESE STUPID ORGANIC MILK BAGS AND PADS FOR MONTHLY UNWANTED SUBSCRIPTION OF LUCIFER’S WATERFALL LIKE WTF MAN WHY DONT THESE THINGS COME FREE WHEN MY UNWANTED PACKAGE IS GIVEN TO ME SERIOUSLY THO

organic milk bags

monthly subscription to lucifer’s waterfall

(via sexlifeisnotonfire)

Notes
133497
Posted
8 hours ago

peanutbutterdanitime:

ellisuwc:

raffichu:

She’s like Thor

Oh my god the whole time I was thinking of it in her voice xD

oh god i can hear them both oh heavens

(Source: neon-bats, via fuckin-got-me)

Notes
125737
Posted
10 hours ago

fluffy-little-fallen-angel:

nudityandnerdery:

divawithanunspoiledagenda:

plumbones:

destiny919:

greenhoused:

which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner

tumblr user greenhoused is asking the real questions

It doesn’t matter, because Nobody is going to criticize their makeup.

WAS THAT A MOTHER FRACKING ODYSSEY PUN

Well, it wasn’t a motherfucking Oedipus pun, that’s for sure.

I think I’ve found my favorite post

(via howtender)

Notes
333394
Posted
10 hours ago

wickedclothes:

Astronaut USB Light

Astronauts are often referred to as brave, intelligent, admirable. Keep an astronaut nearby to light up the darkest of your adventures in (or out of) our planet. Plug this little astronaut into a USB port, flip on their helmet, and light up any nearby area. Sold on ThinkGeek.

(via trashvag)

Notes
5117
Posted
10 hours ago

dailylifeofadisneyfreak:

I just love how this movie depicts them as a regular family.

(Source: filmforlife, via joannakalantzis7)

Notes
250864
Posted
10 hours ago
bloodpactgirlscout:

icantspellbuterfly:

bloodpactgirlscout:

so the saddest shortest story is attributed to hemingway:
"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."
and this came to me at breakfast and i thought it was hilarious. 

pls don’t ruin hemingway for me.

no i will continue to do that

bloodpactgirlscout:

icantspellbuterfly:

bloodpactgirlscout:

so the saddest shortest story is attributed to hemingway:

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

and this came to me at breakfast and i thought it was hilarious. 

pls don’t ruin hemingway for me.

no i will continue to do that

(via supehellagay)

Notes
38297
Posted
10 hours ago
bloodpactgirlscout:

icantspellbuterfly:

bloodpactgirlscout:

so the saddest shortest story is attributed to hemingway:
"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."
and this came to me at breakfast and i thought it was hilarious. 

pls don’t ruin hemingway for me.

no i will continue to do that

bloodpactgirlscout:

icantspellbuterfly:

bloodpactgirlscout:

so the saddest shortest story is attributed to hemingway:

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

and this came to me at breakfast and i thought it was hilarious. 

pls don’t ruin hemingway for me.

no i will continue to do that

(via supehellagay)

Notes
38297
Posted
10 hours ago

One of the most freeing things I have ever heard (via firecannotkillabadwolf)

(via joannakalantzis7)

You don’t have to be pretty like her. You can be pretty like you.
Notes
47672
Posted
10 hours ago

neptunain:

remember when children used to say “i know you are but what am i” bc never in my adult life have i found an incident where that phrase is more appropriate

(via joannakalantzis7)

Notes
15033
Posted
10 hours ago

few tips for people with vaginas

vagisodium:

bendanklin:

thepoetspace:

1. Use baby wipes every time.
2. Drink at least 5 bottles of water a day
3. Incorporate grapefruit, pineapples, mangos, watermelon, berries, & yogurt into your diet.
4. Exfoliate before you shave.
5. Use tea tree oil to moisturize the areas that you shave.
6. Use the tea tree oil daily.
7. Take your vitamins.
8. Invest in a soap that’s just for your vagina.

You’re welcome.

My tongue thanks her in advance.

i really could have done without that addition

(via joannakalantzis7)

Notes
40474
Posted
10 hours ago
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